you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
