Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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