I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
