he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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