my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
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Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize