Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
