he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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