i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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