the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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