My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
