I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
