my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
