smell my finger.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize