I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
