And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
