she woke up with a sticky ear
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
