I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
