so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
