just come out here and I will go home with you...
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
