did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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