her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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