i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
