1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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