come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
