Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Drake has all the answers
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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