I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
