allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
