i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
