Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize