Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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