As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
