I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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