she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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