My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
