White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
