He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
