Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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