I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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