she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
