the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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