in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
