it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
