The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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