bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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