dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
