i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
