you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
