I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize