But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
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Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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