so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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