My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
