Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
