DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
vagina is talking i cant
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.