Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.