That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
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i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
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Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.