I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
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Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.