just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.