How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
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he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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