I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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