My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
