I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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