I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
