TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
