She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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