upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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