She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
