Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We named our party play list daddy issues
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
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